note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
