I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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