if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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