we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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