No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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