I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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