I think my fart just growled at me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
