I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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