nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
