he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
