i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
