I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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