Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
