Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
