just tell him i said nine months
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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