i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
