All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
