we have pet lesbian snakes
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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