I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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