I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
sick fucks of a feather flock together
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
