apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
