cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
