I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
