these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
