I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
