so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
