so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
