sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
