guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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