I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
