I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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