i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
