butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
