so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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