We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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