So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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