at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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