Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
