dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
