you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
