next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
