The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
