She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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