Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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