I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
