How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my poor anus
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
