sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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