the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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