If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
