i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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