Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
