In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
