im six kinds of drunk right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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