rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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