I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
