Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Come on in and take your pants off
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
