This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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