Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
