dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
