hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
