we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize