My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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