Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
