I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
