Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Green mimosas i think yes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
