dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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