Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
