its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When did angry sex become our thing?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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