I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
