I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
